A new slate to paint

The past is still the past and it is still apart of myself and my family. I don't bother with the pity or the poor me. I am grateful for all the trials the Lord has given me. I have become stronger and stronger and sometimes things happen that knock me off course but I keep the fire burning inside of me. I keep dreaming and pushing forward and trying new things. I have been singing, writing, growing up, and taking care of my mom. My mom has been pushing forward and seriously she always has one foot off of her wheelchair just pleading to walk. She is going after her dream and one of mine and Bobby's. My mom introduced us to a product called Mona vie. It is an amazing product that has changed our lives and helps her with her healing. One main reason why she is going far is because she is a freedom willed person and that is the fire in her heart but Mona vie has helped her get the nutrition that she needs to keep going and be strong. If you all know my mom she is a health freak and I remember when I was growing up she was always trying to get me and my brothers to drink and take healthy vitamins and concoctions that where nasty. We tried Mona vie and we were surprised by the taste and how much having nutrition has helped us keep going and feel good. We loved the product so much that we have started a business with it and it feels and shows that it's going places. Bobby is also following another one of his dreams. He is doing great in the car sales and we knew he was always going to be good at selling and helping others. ZK my other brother is starting his own business as well with satellite services and he is also looking for a job and is getting close to getting one. I bet you are all wondering what this is all about.

I have been reading a book called I dare you. It is about following your heart and striving to be your best. Fear is something that replaces courage and in a bad way. The reason why I am speaking about mine and all my families dreams is because it takes courage to get them. Pray deeply for what you want, there is no limit to what one can achieve. Here is a story I would like to tell about some people I read stories about in the hospital of Craig. There were some para's that were heavily into sports they got into accidents and were left paralyzed. They struggled and were introduced to rugby a sport that is like football and soccer in wheelchairs, very interesting to watch. They put all of their strength into that and became gold mentalists in the para Olympics in china. Another man was a quad who invented the power wheelchair. I thought as I heard and still here of many things people have accomplished, why can't I accomplish what I want. Why cant I be a singer? Why can't I be a writer? Why can't I have a successful business in Mona vie? You know what I came up with. There is no reason! There is no reason to not fulfill you life purpose and achieve victory in our lives. God is with us far closer then we thought. He will help us and he gives me strength every time I doubt myself. I don't know about all of you but I will not allow myself to be one of the ones floating down the river, taking the easy way out. I want to swim upstream to achieve my dream. I know it is hard and sometimes I get tired but that's my fire! I know it is hard for mom but she is right there with me and she is getting better all the time. Bobby is there next to us and ZK is next to us too. We encourage each other and tell each other to keep going, no matter what others say, no matter the amount of fear. In stake confernce I was frightened to death to go to the first practice, because I got kicked out of a choir before. Bobby looked up to me and said. "Isn't this what you want?" I looked at him and said. " I don't want to be in choir?" "No don't you want to sing? I know you do. You sing all the time. Go and get experience." Bobby said in my response. I almost hate his way of making me think but it helps me to gain confidence and keep my fire burning. On stake conference day, I felt my heart being lifted and I felt high. I know this is what I am suppose to do and God gave me the feeling to encourage me also. It might not be what I thought but he gave me my talents to paint the slate of white. Some is white and black and gray from my past but there are tons of colors and beauty. Me along with the rest of my family are painting our masterpiece. I will close with a quote that I have loved for a while. "Only the fools criticize because they don't understand."

I love you all and I hope you are all doing well and follow your hearts it is the map given to you from God.

PS. I will try to write on here every week. I have been running around like crazy and lost time and forgot. I will try to remember.

Long time no thoughts to write.

Everything has been very busy. We had problems with home health and we have just recently gotten that all taken care of. I am so thankful that Bobby and I learned mom's care because if we didn't we would have been in deep trouble. We were taking care of mom all on our own for about 2 weeks and I have a new found appreciation for what aids and tecs do. I am happy I have learned much from them and I am happy that I don't have their job. I would lose my mind but that's just me and I have different talents then they do.

I read something from a good book. The eye is the lamp of the body; so then if your eye is clear, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. Matthew 6:22-23

The Pastor explained more about what this meant and it really has made me think. I have read over and over again that you are a product of your mind. You will go to where ever your mind takes you. If you see yourself getting horrible in health you will have bad health. If you see yourself as healthy and happy; one will be happy and healthy. If you see yourself as successful you will be successful. The only thing that could ever hold anyone back is their mind. Our minds are an amazing gift; it will fight for whatever you let it obsess over, either good or bad. Your body will follow your mind and heart and will work hard for what the mind truly wants. I have also read many amazing stories about how histories of disease run in peoples family and they escape the dicease because they put their mind to work for them. The mind is either a bullet for suicide or an avenue to the greatness of the world.

Another thing I have seen is how my mom's mind has helped her. She progresses all the time and it's literally a miracle slowly coming alive right in front of my eyes. She is using her feet to help her move her body when she is in bed and transferring on the slide board, and her body is getting more movable all the time. One thing she is one of the most positive people I know. She tells me I will walk, I will overcome this wheelchair if it's the last thing I do.

I remember all the hard times I have had in my life. Sometimes it seems as if nothing will ever get better. I had recently heard a talk from another pastor and it was about trials. At times in need we feel God is far away but in reality he is right there, next to us, comforting us, and telling us it will be OK, the trials will pass. I almost cried because I have felt him close to me. I ask for his comfort and it feels like he is right next to me telling me it's going to be OK, and I feel his warmth all around me like a blanket on a cold night. I have been calm, sometimes a little crazy but calm during this whole thing because he has comforted me. He has reassured me that mom will be OK. I have dreamed numerous times that just randomly out of nowhere she just walks right into the room, and me and Bobby just look at each other like what just happened? I know that if we put faith in the Lord he will lead us out of anything that is hurting us. Take the hand off the throttle and let the Lord drive! He knows our destination far better then we do and will take us there. He has a purpose for us and we must all follow our dreams; don't hold back! That is one thing I also wanted to mention about our eyes as being a lamp. Our eyes will take us to our future and our dreams, and our subconscious mind will take us to where ever we let the cruise control take us.

Thank you all very much for reading! I didn't realize how many really read this blog.

The last days of Criag are winding down to the end.

Bobby and I have been crazy busy learning more and more of mom's care. I won't get into too much detail about that because I know you all want to know how mom is doing. Last Thursday when Bobby and I went to Montrose, mom passed out in the standing chair on Friday the day we were coming back to Denver. The next day she did really good but I was happy we were not here because we both would have freaked out. She has been doing really good on her tests and her movements have been coming back more and more, but still very slow. My patience has been tested during these passed 4 months. I have really been taught the meaning of patience. We live in a world were most things are instant and the body healing from a spinal cord injury is not one of them. As the old sane goes Rome was not built in a day and that is exactly what this is like.

Where do we go from here? We will stay in the Craig apartments for a week till mom's manual wheelchair comes in. After that an extended stay hotel until we find a place or home if we find it earlier. I know it's crazy that we have not found a place yet but we feel it's more important to learn mom's care then find a place. For what is more important learning something that could save my mom's life in an emergency or finding a place to live? We will get to it when we get to it. No need to panic! Hold on till the crazy ride is over.

the end is near

Next Friday mom is leaving craig. Everything is ensane and we are looking for a house and we hope we found the one. Mom is still doing great and has more movement in her left leg and a little more in her right. She is super excited to leave craig and take a break for a while. We will all miss all the amaizing people we met and the memories but it's great to move on to the next chapter.

Mom went on a bike ride yesterday and she did awesome! It was a hand bike though but those things are actually really cool; they have more comfortable seats. Mom was able to move her leg up like a march and she is getting more and more movement in her right leg and foot. Her wheelchair has new wheels, the are power wheels that help keep the momentum going as she pushes. The results; it makes it easier for her to go up hills and be a little lazy if she wants, but not too lazy cuz those things go crazy and start moving around like a possessed pair of wheels. I had to try them out and that's why I know so much about them. Hey I don't want my mom to get hurt, so I have to always play with her stuff. wink. Honestly this summer has been hard but a lot of fun. Who ever knew that a hospital would have stuff to do that would be memorable and something to do with mom. Bobby and I have been taking mom to the mall and the walmart on the public transportation. That has also been fun and gives us another reason to get out of the hospital for a while. Yes it is fun sometimes but sometimes its really really boring. Mom is doing good, just having fun and going along on the ride the Lord has planed for her.

only a short time left till rehab is over

Mom had surgery on Tuesday; she had a super pubic catheter done. Basically she has a tube in her bladder instead of well you all know. She says she likes the super pubic better and it's more comfortable. She is now able to move her right leg left to right and is able to move her foot a little. Yesterday was a little hard for mom. She was concerned about how everything is going to be hard and how she cant do anything anymore, but hopefully today she is in better spirits. I want everyone to know that mom has no reason to worry, because she has beaten the odds. When she first got to Craig she couldn't breath on her own, she couldn't feed herself, and many other things. Basically she was going to be a quad and now she is going to be a para, for now at least. Only God knows the outcome and I have a great feeling it's going to be good.

08-21-09

Mom had a very productive day. She popped a wheelie in her wheelchair, is communicating better on her self speaking computer program, and many other things. Mom is going to get two pink wheelchairs, one manual and the other a power tilt chair. Her spasms are crazy and crack me up sometimes. She has such bad spasm sometimes she kicks like a donkey. More and more movement is coming in her arms, hands, fingers, a little in her lower part of her body, and she is getting better and better at doing things for herself.